yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
