Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
