yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
