well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
