scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
