someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
