the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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