I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
