ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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