You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
