Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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