I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
