so explain again why im purple
no
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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