Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sobbing to NWA
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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