I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
