New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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