If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
