I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
