Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
