I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
