My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
