Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
