I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
