i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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