tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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