just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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