You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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