$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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