Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
