I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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