The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
