for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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