dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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