dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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