Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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