I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
