you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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