Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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