Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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