I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
