my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
