Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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