Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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