she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
