i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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