Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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