I just threw up on my dentist
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
