An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dignity is for republicans.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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