2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
