It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
