You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
