Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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